Not The News – Vol VII

by on March 21, 2011 · 2 comments

 BENCHES CLEAR AND NATIONALS CALL FOR REINFORCEMENTS

Oh, the horror of it all…

Naturally, the benches cleared during a spring training game between the Cardinals and the Nationals, and the game wasn’t televised.  Fortunately, an observant fan with a Kodak Disc camera and developing equipment in his basement managed to capture a shot of the Nationals bringing out the big guns to protect Jayson Werth‘s beard.  No word on whether or not the bench clearing episode actually turned into an actual “basebrawl”, but it’s safe to assume that the Nationals wanted no part of #YadiBAMF and the rest of the Cardinals.  Enough said.

SI HAS OFFICIALLY JUMPED THE SHARK

Of course, the earth may also be hit by a gamma ray blast or some other extinction level event as well.  Nice to see that SI isn’t above a little filter feeding in search of a few extra thousand pageviews.  Seriously, SI ranks right along side that crap that Huge Hefner publishes, and everybody claims to read for the articles.  The only differences is that Hefner’s rag has better articles. 

I’m not sure whether or not anybody got fired over this tweet, but I took this as a sign that someone inside the SI mothership was sending a signal to the rest of the world that at least a few people inside need to be rescued.  Signal received.  We’ll be sending some Slayer and Motorhead mp3s asap.

CARDINALS PREPARE CONTINGENCY FOR FUTURE BECK RALLIES

Power up!

After the 2010 swoon which appears to possibly coincide with an appearance made by Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa at a Glenn Beck rally, the Cardinals have revealed their not-so-secret plans to prevent a potential repeat occurrence.  Yes, it involves Diddy Kong, some alien creatures, and a “Donkey Punch” to Beck’s groin in full public view.  Maybe that’s going a bit too far for some people, but when a playoff berth is at stake, I’ve got no problem with it.  It’s just a video game character attacking some guy who talks a lot.  If that gets the Cardinals to the playoffs every year, line ‘em up and “Donkey Punch” away.

MY MARCH MADNESS BRACKET LOOKS LIKE SWISS CHEESE SHOT WITH A 12-GAUGE

As my friend Ken likes to remind me: “You never fight a land war in Asia, you never play poker against a guy named Doc, and you never bet against Gonzaga in the tourney.”  At least, it goes something like that (or maybe he never said that last part at all).  Click on the image above to see my comments added to the bracketology crappola that I’ve had to live through for the past several days.  It’s uglier than Gwyneth Paltrow’s singing career and Nicole Kidman’s personality combined.

Dan MacLaughlin Is Really….Ron Burgundy!

That’s right.  This is the same man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel tower out of metal and brawn.  Now that the truth is out, a lot of things can be explained.  I’ll leave it to your imaginations to determine exactly what can be explained.  :)

Like it?  Ever shot at swiss cheese with a shotgun?  Follow gr33nazn on Twitter, and let’s talk about your anger management classes!

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Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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Posted in: Fun

{ 2 comments }

Chris March 21, 2011

Those president mascots are really scary looking in person, even scarier than the racing pierogies in Pittsburgh.

Dennis March 22, 2011

I couldn’t agree more. Ginormous presidents >>> giant food on the creepy scale.

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