Matt Adams Is The Most Interesting Man In Cardinal Nation

by on March 13, 2012 · 9 comments

There are many tall tales and myths circulating about Matt Adams.  I thought it necessary to set the record straight.  I’ll begin by debunking some of the more ridiculous notions.

  • Adams never played quarterback for the Colts under the alias “Peyton Manning”.  He may or may not have done so as “Curtis Painter” or “Jim Sorgi”.
  • He never played any games against or for the Harlem Globetrotters.
  • He has never participated in a moon landing, although NASA will neither confirm nor deny his alleged involvement in an International Space Station incident involving a cosmonaut and a monkey.
  • Adams has never pulled a truck out of a ditch using his teeth.  Technically, it was mostly his arms doing the work.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Adams was not the inspiration for the song “99 Problems”.

The truth may actually be stranger than fiction.

  • Adams once ate at French Laundry, and Thomas Keller asked him to cook the fish.
  • He once hit a wiffle ball 350 feet on a check swing.
  • Adams was nearly voted off the Survivor island, but it was determined that it was actually HIS island.
  • Adams once won a German spelling bee while giving all his answers in Latin.
  • George Foreman renamed all his kids “Matt” after him.
  • He knows Bo better than Bo knows Bo.
  • Nike revived the slogan “Just Do It” and renamed it “Been There, Done That” in his honor.
  • He found Bobby Fischer and Waldo in the same day.
  • He once did the walk of shame accompanied by 2 cheerleaders and a symphonic band.
  • His calendar has days that don’t end in “Y”.
  • He can throw a perfect spiral for 35 yards in a windy day with a chainsaw.
  • Adams once tipped a valet the whole car.
  • He once wore a purple bowtie to a black tie event, and the other 400 guests changed as quickly as they could.
  • Adams owns a small herd of unicorns that he raised since they were baby ducklings.
  • He runs a 5.6 40 yard dash just as long as the man he’s carrying doesn’t drag his feet on the ground.
  • He once wrote a best selling novel under the pen name “Anonymous”.

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Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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