Matt Adams Is The Most Interesting Man In Cardinal Nation

by on March 13, 2012 · 9 comments

There are many tall tales and myths circulating about Matt Adams.  I thought it necessary to set the record straight.  I’ll begin by debunking some of the more ridiculous notions.

  • Adams never played quarterback for the Colts under the alias “Peyton Manning”.  He may or may not have done so as “Curtis Painter” or “Jim Sorgi”.
  • He never played any games against or for the Harlem Globetrotters.
  • He has never participated in a moon landing, although NASA will neither confirm nor deny his alleged involvement in an International Space Station incident involving a cosmonaut and a monkey.
  • Adams has never pulled a truck out of a ditch using his teeth.  Technically, it was mostly his arms doing the work.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Adams was not the inspiration for the song “99 Problems”.

The truth may actually be stranger than fiction.

  • Adams once ate at French Laundry, and Thomas Keller asked him to cook the fish.
  • He once hit a wiffle ball 350 feet on a check swing.
  • Adams was nearly voted off the Survivor island, but it was determined that it was actually HIS island.
  • Adams once won a German spelling bee while giving all his answers in Latin.
  • George Foreman renamed all his kids “Matt” after him.
  • He knows Bo better than Bo knows Bo.
  • Nike revived the slogan “Just Do It” and renamed it “Been There, Done That” in his honor.
  • He found Bobby Fischer and Waldo in the same day.
  • He once did the walk of shame accompanied by 2 cheerleaders and a symphonic band.
  • His calendar has days that don’t end in “Y”.
  • He can throw a perfect spiral for 35 yards in a windy day with a chainsaw.
  • Adams once tipped a valet the whole car.
  • He once wore a purple bowtie to a black tie event, and the other 400 guests changed as quickly as they could.
  • Adams owns a small herd of unicorns that he raised since they were baby ducklings.
  • He runs a 5.6 40 yard dash just as long as the man he’s carrying doesn’t drag his feet on the ground.
  • He once wrote a best selling novel under the pen name “Anonymous”.

Follow gr33nazn on Twitter for more details about Matt Adams – The Most Interest Man In Cardinal Nation

Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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Peter March 13, 2012

Matt Adams once threw up a stop sign at third base that Albert Pujols did *not* run through.

Yadier Molina has never thrown out Matt Adams stealing, because he dares not try.

Carlos Beltran signed with the Cardinals to avoid taking a strike three curveball from Matt Adams.

The short list for the Cardinals’ vacant manager position: Jose Oquendo, Mike Matheny, Matt Adams, Lil’ Mac, Chris Maloney, Matt Adams again.

Matt Adams does not hit grand slams into the wind. The wind rushes away from the left field power alley to avoid being hit with a Matt Adams grand slam.

Mike Shannon’s new catchphrase is “Ole’ Matt’s done it again.”

Dan McLaughlin lost 70 pounds in the off-season during a three second encounter with Matt Adams.

Dennis March 13, 2012

Well played, sir.

PH8 March 13, 2012

I knew I could get you on board with the Matt Adams Bandwagon.

Dennis March 13, 2012

Crazy, huh? Next thing you know I’ll be doing the podcast or something….

PH8 March 13, 2012

Oh, now that’s just crazy talk.

Sir Sci March 13, 2012

“He once hit a wiffle ball 350 feet on a check swing.”

I heard he hit a bowling ball 400 feet on a bunt attempt.

Dennis March 13, 2012

Indeed he did, but the bowling ball was just foul.

Peter March 13, 2012

I heard he hit a solo shot to center in the 11th inning of game six of the 2012 World Series but was in a David Freese costume at the time so no one realized it.

PH8 March 14, 2012

“Contrary to popular belief, Adams was not the inspiration for the song “99 Problems”.”

Yet no one has refuted that his home runs were the inspiration for “99 Luftballoons”.

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