Not The News – Volume XII

by on March 23, 2012 · 0 comments

Consider this a special edition of “Not The News” which was deemed necessary due to all the latest news in MLB.  Also, it is Friday, and the home opener for the Cardinals is just 3 weeks away.

Brewers make announcement that a special edition Ryan Braun jersey will be made available for sale through the team store to commemorate Braun’s 2011 MVP season.  After posting a monumental slash line of .332/.397/.597/.994 in 2011 AND beating the rap for his performance enhancing drug violation, it only seems fitting to honor the “Hebrew Hammer” this season.  Word has it that the team considered asking Braun to change his number to “3x”, but cooler heads prevailed and decided that taunting MLB with such an obvious reference to Braun’s ALLEGED testosterone level would be pure folly.  Here is a preview of the back of the commemorative jersey.



Several production staff members and a director who all prefer not to be named at this time have suggested that it was actually Tim Tebow and not Brendan Fraser who played the role of Rick O’Connell in the latest “Mummy” movie, and in fact Tebow will likely play the role in “The Mummy Remix – All Your Plagues Are Belong To Us” which is set to start filming later this year.  No word as to whether he will also have a part in “The Mummy 2020 – I Can Haz Cheeseburger”.

Doppel. Ganger.


News out of Florida late yesterday included a blip about a mediocre Yankees player injuring himself while playing on a trampoline, and the player wasn’t Derek Jeter.  Instead, it was ace-in-waiting Joba Chamberlain who reportedly took his kid to some kind of playground and more than likely broke some kind of maximum weight guidelines in joining the child on the bouncy thingy.  We’ve managed to obtain an exclusive image of Joba on the inflatable trampoline that is to blame for his freak injury.  No word yet on whether Joba plans to sue, but word on the street is that the Bouncy Moobs trampoline company has offered Joba an endorsement deal pending a physical.

Bouncy Joba Chamberlain is Bouncy


Potential box office juggernaut “The Hunger Games” has been receiving mixed reviews so far, but it is still far too early to tell how the movie will ultimately be received by people who have something better to do at midnight on a school night.  However, the performance turned in by Tim Lincecum as Katniss Everdeen has been the subject of many rave reviews.  For those of you not familiar with “The Hunger Games”, Katniss Everdeen (Timmeh) is also known to many as the “hot chick with the bow in the commercials”.  I haven’t personally seen the movie myself, but I do look forward to seeing The Freak in film again after his startling good turn in “The Anti-Social Network”.

Timmeh as Katniss Everdeen


Mat Latos and Timmeh in "The Anti-Social Network"

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Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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