Not The News – Vol IX

by on February 7, 2012 · 0 comments

Just about everyone in Cardinal Nation has had plenty of time to become acquainted with the latest flapdoodle involving Skip Schumaker’s latest baseball card from Topps.  It features the now famous Busch Squirrel (aka Rally Squirrel), and it really is an actual card with Skip’s name on it.

Chasing Tail

Yep.  That’s it.  A squirrel running across the ground.  Not pictured is Roy Oswalt about to go postal on the mound due to the interruption which may have cost Roy a potential strike.  No matter.  This is all about poor Skip.  He has to share the spotlight with a lousy squirrel.  Sad.

Or so we thought….

It turns out that we have uncovered the original print that was created by Topps, and it does not have a squirrel anywhere to be seen.

Little Braun

We’ve been bamboozled.  Hoodwinked.  Run amok and yadda, yadda, yadda, and meh.  The only thing scampering across the ground near Skip’s foot was a miniature Ryan Braun.  It’s hard to be sure in two dimensions, but it appears that Braun is attempting to roll into Skip’s foot in order to throw Skip off balance.  There is no way of knowing how Braun turned himself into “Little Braun” or whether or not the name “Little Braun” is already being used by Braun for another reason.  The obvious thing here is that he is a devious little rodent with no regard for other people when he is “Little Braun”.  Truly sad.  Not exactly the kind of thing I would expect from a league MVP.


Like you, we here at PH8 have been wondering what team will sign Aaron Miles.  Sure, his massive 1.0 WAR in 9 seasons may be easily overlooked, and his ability to play all the positions on the field (including free safety and punter) can be forgotten.  How can teams pass on a middle infielder who possesses a fastball that moves like Jagger?

As it turns out, Aaron has been keeping himself busy.  Very busy.

Sirius Miles of Azkaban

Between fighting he who shall not be named and commuting between Azkaban and Hogwarts, Sirius Miles has no time for petty Muggle games like baseball.  Too bad.  He’s almost old enough that the Rockies might start showing interest.


Naturally, some in St. Louis were sad to hear that Edwin Jackson had signed with the Washington Nationals during this offseason.  Good news, sports fans.  It turns out that E-Jax is so excited about his new gig that he’s doing everything he can to fit in right away.

Which President is Edwin?

It really does not get any more pathetic than this.  At least E-Jax is leading the presidential pack…..but he’s still playing for the Nationals.

TIDBIT:  For those of you confused by the numbering system, “IX” is like the number “9” in Martian or something.

Follow gr33nazn on Twitter for more non-facts and made up things (like my golf handicap)!

Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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