New Year’s resolutions typically fall into the same category as making your bed every morning – tremendous wastes of time. By the time December 31st rolls around, how many people even can recall all the resolutions they made? Instead of focusing on that marathon you never really intend to run, the 20 pounds you won’t make the effort to lose, or the extra effort you say you will put into charity work, try something a bit more reasonable for once. Limit you goals. Set the bar low. Try to focus all of your psychic energies on a single area of interest. I suggest baseball. Go ahead and read the resolutions below and think about how they each compare to working up to that half marathon or feeling guilty about that new gym membership you won’t really use. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
- I resolve to stop verbally battering the BBWAA members for failing to vote specific players into Cooperstown. I totally understand why voters want to penalize players for admitted or alleged PED use. After all, that’s why there is a “character clause” which can be wielded on a selective basis. Perhaps they should even undertake a great crusade to purge the hall of wife beaters, amphetamine users, alcoholics, and just plain mean people who didn’t do nice things. The only exception to this resolution is anything that concerns Tony Womack. If you haven’t already listened to episode 10 of the PH8 podcast, please do so. I fully explained during the podcast the repercussions of a voter casting a ballot with Womack’s name checked. Let’s just say it involves stepping on someone’s soul and leave it at that.
- I resolve to no longer complain about the length of baseball games. One of the beautiful things about baseball is that there is no game clock that counts down for a last second penultimate shot. There are no games decided by a place kicker wearing a flawlessly clean uniform. Instead, there are guys stepping in/out of the batter’s box over and over again to repeat their OCD rituals that involve batting gloves, velcro, and chickens. That’s good for the game, right? At the very least, it’s probably good for concession sales, and that’s the really important thing. Instead of complaining about the overall length of the games, it seems sensible to suggest a few ideas that might reduce the “groan factor” at games. Eliminate the fake-to-3B-throw-to-1B pickoff move. It’s an obvious attempt to deceive at least 1 runner, so stop acting like it isn’t. Permit 1 catcher visit to the mound per pitcher. Finally, hold an annual preseason meeting hosted by Greg Maddux, and allow him to explain the importance of the sub-150 minute game.
- I resolve to stop criticizing people who spell “Jon Jay” as “John Jay”, unless they are professional writers. In that case, it is completely appropriate to haze them from afar on Twitter.
- I resolve to limit “Beltran Caught Looking” references to no more than 1 per day. However, it would still be great to see his locker nameplate between “Wainwright” and “Freese”.
- I resolve to greatly reduce the amount of vitriol I direct at Ryan Braun until his case has been fully reviewed by MLB. As a fan of baseball, I do not rejoice at the thought of any MVP caught using a banned substance. On the other hand, it shows that baseball’s drug testing program is working to some degree, and that is definitely a good thing. In this case, the issue is much bigger than Braun himself. It impacts his teammates, and it certainly casts some doubts about team success enjoyed by the Brewers in 2011. That is truly a shame, because that kind of thinking tends to take something away from the efforts of others.
- I resolve to respect the Cubs at least marginally more than in previous years. If the organization gets truly serious about clearing out payroll, then they could be a forced to be reckoned with in the coming years. While competitive baseball is a wonderful thing, a stronger division isn’t necessarily good news for the Cardinals, especially when you consider that the Astros are headed to the American League.
- I resolve to significantly limit my complaints about Rafael Furcal batting 1st or 2nd in the lineup. Sure, his .316 OBP with the Cardinals in 2011 was 6 points below Tyler Greene‘s OBP, but surely Furcal will add extra value as a switch-hitter. Right? It’s not like it would be better to have Jon Jay in the leadoff spot. He only had a .382 OBP in 2011 when hitting leadoff, so putting someone else in that spot makes total sense. Right?
- I resolve to abstain from rejoicing any time Albert Pujols performs poorly.
- I resolve to abstain from rejoicing any time Albert Pujols performs well.
- I resolve to have more faith in John Mozeliak than ever. He took a team that was not built for success, and he managed to restructure it just in time for a playoff run. He avoided any temptation to trade top prospects, and he made excellent choices when it came to the “rentals” like Edwin Jackson. Until he proves otherwise, I have to believe that he is the best man for the job.
REMINDER: Nobody really cares about your fantasy league team.
TIDBIT: I was fortunate last year to receive the United Cardinal Bloggers award for “Top Twitterer”. I’d be remiss for not thanking my fellow bloggers and the UCB for being so good to me. I’m both honored and humbled by the feedback and recognition.
Follow gr33nazn on Twitter to see if I actually keep any of my Redbird Resolutions!
Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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