If you see this man, please buy him an icy cold beverage and direct him to a comfy chair. Then please contact the nearest person you can find with a laptop, iPad, or smartphone. Do not try to apprehend this suspect without assistance. Be forewarned that he’s a “blogger”. You know the type. He falls asleep at night with his hand gripping that Atari 2600 controller that isn’t actually there anymore. He’s still got that old Betamax connected in his basement just in case he comes across the spare parts he needs to make it work at a yard sale some day. He has a poster of Bill Gates hanging above his bunk bed. Every time he gets retweeted, he celebrates with fist bumps from his special edition Starbuck & Apollo Build-A-Bears. Everybody knows someone like him. He’s that social introvert who just needs to come out of his shell and embrace the current decade.
Based on an anonymous tip, we understand that he plans to be at Busch Stadium for Social Media Night to break in the Bowtie Bar today (August 25th). We’ll be there to take him down and force him to blog about the event with us. He needs amateur help and the support of other bloggers at the event. Please feel free to purchase tickets for the event and join us. We’ll need all the help we can get. Help spread the word.
If you are on Twitter, please be aware that he uses many aliases including the handle @DJ_McClure which he uses to perpetrate many crimes against the blogosphere. Most notably, we’ve seen this “blogger” out in broad daylight dressed in clean clothing and fashionable jeans – most decidely not appropriate apparel for a blogger. It’s also suspected (but not confirmed) that he tweets under the handles @PrettehFly4AWhiteGuy and @Welcome2BaseballHeavenInMyYadiJersey, but we have NOT fully investigated these claims.
If you do encounter him, please be careful when using the words “playoffs”, “Denkinger”, and “tarp”. Also, please keep in mind that he is a human being, and he just needs some help in his 12-step program to return to his true blogging roots. His fellow members in the United Cardinal Bloggers community are there for him. We just need to locate him, put an icy cold beverage in his hand, and place him in front of something with WiFi access. It’s just that simple.
TIDBIT: If you do plan to attend Social Media Night at the new Bowtie Bar, please let us know by leaving a comment below or tweeting about it. Remember to use the officially designated hashtags #CardsSMN and #Bowtie, so that your tweets will be noticed. Also, remember that “the wave” is inappropriate for sporting events, religious gatherings, political rallies, and all situations in which children, adults, livestock, aliens, or Cardinals fans are present. Ban the wave. Don’t even think about it. Watch the game. Also, don’t even think about sticking that huge sign up in front of my face. My pimp hand is strong.
MORE BITS OF TID: If you aren’t planning on attending Social Media Night on Thursday, August 25th, then change your plans and help stop the zombie apocalypse. $20 for a pretty darn good seat, $5 in Cards Cash, access to the Social Media event in the Bowtie Bar which includes an appearance by current Cardinal players, and the chance to mingle with some really cool folks (and DJ) is a sweet, sweet deal.
FINAL BIT ‘O TID: Look for me at #CardsSMN. I’ll be wearing my nice pair of sweatpants which really are just the “blogger’s tuxedo”.
Follow gr33nazn on Twitter, because I really do wish I was a little bit taller (I wish I was a baller)!