The people or things responsible for the Cardinals missing the playoffs

by on August 23, 2011 · 11 comments

Let’s just dispense with the pleasantries and list them all here, shall we?

This way, Cards fans have a repository to come back to game after game, without having to continue to come up with new reasons for a lost season.

In no particular order:

  1. Moths
  2. Ryan Franklin
  3. Takashi Saito
  4. Rob Drake
  5. Tony Rasmus
  6. Dan Lozano
  7. Corey Patterson
  8. Shelby Miller’s Fists of Fury
  9. The frog in Al Hrabosky’s throat
  10. Matt Holliday’s (former) appendix
  11. Albert Pujols
  12. Colby Rasmus
  13. Alex Anthopoulos’ dreamy bedroom eyes
  14. Miguel Batista
  15. Mitchell Boggs
  16. Fernando Salas
  17. Corey Patterson
  18. The offense
  19. The bullpen
  20. The starting rotation
  21. Defense
  22. The roster
  23. John Mozeliak
  24. Adam Wainwright’s (former) elbow ligament
  25. Miller Park
  26. Corey Patterson
  27. Milo Hamilton
  28. Arthur Rhodes
  29. Brandon Phillips
  30. Bloggers
  31. Ryan Theriot
  32. Tyler Greene
  33. Tony La Russa
  34. Brendan Ryan
  35. Jake Westbrook
  36. Corey Patterson
  37. Jaime Garcia (but only on the road)
  38. The fact that Pete Kozma was on a big league roster
  39. Lighted ribbon boards
  40. Marty Brennaman
  41. Keith Law
  42. Bill DeWitt
  43. Ballpark Village
  44. Rafael Furcal
  45. Shingles
  46. Corey Patterson
  47. Mark McGwire
  48. Brian Tallet’s facial hair
  49. Sock/stirrup/long pants inconsistency
  50. That gosh-danged Aaron Miles
  51. Rust at Busch Stadium (on the building and the field)
  52. Bud Selig
  53. Payroll
  54. Heath Bell
  55. Jon Jay, full-time starting outfielder
  56. Day games after night games
  57. Sabermetrics
  58. Pitches up and in
  59. Corey Patterson

Whew! I think I’ve covered most of them.

Anything missing? Post ’em in the comments below or find me on Twitter @PitchersHit8th.

Writing about the Cardinals and other loosely associated topics since 2008, I've grown tired of the April run-out only to disappoint Cardinal fans everywhere by mid-May. I do not believe in surrendering free outs.
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Christine August 23, 2011

How could you forget Corey Patterson?

Dennis August 23, 2011

Jorts? Losing that loving feeling? Velcro? Bobby Valentine? Poor cellular reception at Busch? The wind blowing in off the Mississippi? Baserunning by “Big Fat Elvis Puma”? The wrong ratio of nasty cheese to soggy nachos? Noticeable dearth of Stifel-Nicholas commercials?

PH8 August 23, 2011

I also forgot “the wave” and Ray Vinson commercials. Boom goes the dynamite.

golface8 August 23, 2011

What about Bernie the brewer and how motivating he has been to the cheeseheads?

PH8 August 23, 2011

Definitely. Dang mascot.

Mike August 23, 2011

Needs more Corey Patterson…

PH8 August 23, 2011

Couldn’t agree more.

Cardinal70 August 23, 2011

Still think Trever Miller and Rick Horton should be on there. Don’t ask me why Ricky–I think it goes without saying.

PH8 August 23, 2011

Maybe listing those *not* at fault could’ve kept my list shorter?

Peter August 23, 2011

Either Bono or The Edge, not sure which. Could be both.

PH8 August 23, 2011

For crying out loud, thank you – how could I have forgotten the damned CLAW?


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