They Are Not Tiger Woods

by on August 9, 2011 · 2 comments

Team PH8 Mugshot (Derrick, Brad, Ryan, & Ronnie)

“If there’s something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.” ~Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage) in National Treasure.

There is seemingly no shortage of “something wrong” in this world, so it’s just a matter of choosing your particular pet peeve and taking action.  As you might imagine, my list of pet peeves is longer than the unedited version of a 5 year-old’s Christmas list.  I hate cancer, famine, poverty, illiteracy, O’Doul’s t-shirts, birth defects, tragic accidents, and anything bad that happens to children.  I despise racism, lack of humor, undercooked food, mullets, hot weather, and blatant ignorance by choice.  Somewhere between “cancer” and “famine”, I should have placed “heart disease and related deaths”. 

I’ve got a serious thing for preventable illness and death, especially in America.  In my personal utopia, I’m the King High Emperor of Bacon, and there are no yachts, mansions, or private jets.  However, there would be a lot more money spent on wellness programs.  I mean it.  That’s why I didn’t hesitate to say “yes” when approached about the possibility of PH8 sponsoring a team in a golf tournament several months ago.  With 100% of the proceeds going to benefit the American Heart Association from the Just Beat It CUP tournament, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to pitch in AND help put 4 weekend hackers on the links for a round of 18.

With a team slogan of “swing hard in case you hit it”, I felt confident that team PH8 had a pretty good shot at a good showing in the tournament.  My faith didn’t waiver one bit, even when they assured me that they were the best at the hole with the purple unicorn bridge, rainbow dolphin windmill, and the clown’s mouth.  It turns out that they were just really excited to have a golf cart and a sponsor for a miniature golf course, and I have to admit that they did look quite snazzy in their PH8 t-shirts.

Look! It's a real golf course!

Lucky for them, they also were pretty good at the “real golf”, or the one that doesn’t involve a Wii remote.  Just don’t ask about how I happen to know any of them.  Let’s just say that Ryan is a member of the local law enforcement community and leave it at that, alright?  ( No, I was certainly not bootlegging, and I had no idea that it was illegal to put that many people in a trunk at once! )


Staged picture was staged...

We have no proof that this picture was staged, but I have my suspicions.  First, there is no golf ball in the picture.  Second, Ryan appears to be looking straight down the fairway which implies that his drive has gone in that direction.  Third, Ryan is still holding his golf club and does not appear prepared to launch it in the direction of the nearest tree.  Finally, Ryan does not appear to be mumbling to himself at this point.  That’s the final nail in the coffin.  This picture is surely a fake.

I expected to see a lot more of this….

The whiff?

and a bit of this….


That's great, but who are the "Chefs"?


Fortunately for everybody involved, it turns out that Derrick, Brad, Ryan, and Ronnie are better golfers than we were led to believe.  They somehow managed a respectable 68 on a real golf course, and their score was good for 2nd (with more than 2 teams playing).  Huzzah for team PH8!!!  Thanks for teeing it up and smacking some balls to raise some money to prevent heart disease guys!

Real scorecard and such


Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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PH8 August 9, 2011

I find it somewhat fascinating and am in a state of disbelief that “the wave” didn’t make your list of dislikes.

That is a good looking bunch! Where’s #8?

Dennis August 9, 2011

I too am now in a state of disbelief that “the wave” failed to make my list of dislikes. Epic fail.

As luck would have it, it turns out that it’s possible to actually sponsor individual holes as well as teams. Next year we shall lay claim to #8 in addition to anything related to the number 8 as well.

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