Not The News – Vol VIII

by on March 25, 2011 · 0 comments



Murray Chass Tijuana Donkey Show Pic?

I’m of that age that when I think of a loud jackass, a bad accent, and an exotic locale, I automatically think of Shrek.  Now when I think of inference journalism, Mexican Donkey Shows, and a loud jackass, I think of Murray Chass.  At least I think I might be thinking of him.  I have no way of knowing, because I’ve never met the guy.  The face in the picture could belong to some poor schlep named “Murry Chasm” who used to star in B-movies back in the 70’s.  By the way, I despised Shrek, and the sequels were even worse.  Murray attacked an 90 year-old man with unproven claims of racism.  Shrek >>>>>> Chass, but that was already obvious.  I was going to comment on Murray’s blog work, but it seems that you must first etch something into a piece of stone and heave it up onto a high ledge first.  In some parts of the world, that would make me a “tosser”.  In the US, that just makes me one of thousands who don’t like Murray’s “work”.  Don’t pick on Stan Musial


Dave Duncan

Actually, nobody else even saw a mosquito.  Truthfully, there wasn’t a mosquito to be seen for miles, but nobody was going to even question Ryan Theriot about it.  Apparently there is indeed a rule in the Cardinals clubhouse about not messing with players who are carrying lightsabers.  The rule was initially put in place just for , and it was extended to cover all members of the organization as well.  There are also rules covering Jedi apparel, spacecraft, and intergalactic currency exchange.  It’s my understanding that Theriot is allowed to keep the lightsaber as long as he allows others to play with it during afternoon fun time, but he has to promise to keep it under his pillow at night.


In a sudden and rather unusual attempt to reconstruct the team, the Cardinals have decided to rebuild the team on-the-fly.  In a prepared statement, GM John Mozeliak announced this morning that they are basically starting over with “Holliday, Pujols, Yadi, and a few pitchers – basically the BAMF guys who can do work and get the job done.”  No word yet on how the rest of roster will be rounded out or who actually has been released.  According to a source that shall not be named, the actual roster will remain mostly the same, and this is all is ruse to get Lance Berkman to actually do something.


With the team looking to sharpen up the middle infield defense just a bit, the organization polled several other teams in search of a single point of contact to reference in seeking help for its middle infielders.  The one name that kept getting mentioned?  Brendan Ryan.  Apparently Ryan has just won the starting SS job in Seattle, and he’s highly regarded by many for his defensive skills.  The scouting report on Ryan is that he was a relative unknown who toiled in St. Louis for a few years, but he has outstanding range and can play 3 of the 4 infield positions.  No word on whether the Cardinals have had any success in contacting Ryan about the job.


Seriously.  It’s still spring training.  It’s not like medical school where the last person to graduate still gets to be called “doctor”.  Your favorite team may have gone on an unprecedented streak all spring, and the best player may pull a “groinstring” on opening day.  Relax.  Be less of an obnoxious dork.  Also, learn to enjoy the other things in life besides “wins”… cheese, chocolate, and sporks.  Also, I realize that “groinstring” isn’t a real body part, but it’s a really funny “unword”.  You can laugh at that, too.

Miguel Cabrera


Apparently wasn’t aware that baseball rules did not allow players to bring dogfood-size bags of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs onto the playing field.  When the 1B umpire informed Cabrera of this rule, Miggy had a very sad, sad moment.  So did all the fans in attendance, because who doesn’t like those eggs?  Then the fans wondered where in the world Cabrera managed to find a 440 oz bag of the tasty little treats in the first place!  At least we all now know the secret ingredient in his training diet.  By the way, I believe you are supposed to open the bag using something other than your jaws, Miggy.


TLR or Colin Firth

I leave you with this.  If you haven’t pictured TLR in this image, then I’ve given you a gift that can’t be taken away.  You can’t unsee something.  The next time you watch the movie, just imagine TLR delivering the lines.  Also, picture Dave Duncan as Geoffrey Rush.  Thank me later.

TIDBIT:  You will soon be able to do some really fun Google image searches on things like “The King’s Speech TLR” and “Murray Chass Donkey“.  You’re welcome.

Like it?  Wish you had a huge bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs?  Yeah, I want one too.  Follow gr33nazn on Twitter, and maybe we’ll go in search of one of those….and a shrubbery!

Cardinals fan since I could hold a fishing pole steady. Accidental blogger. Opinionated. I could care less about what you think of me. Constantly confounded, bemused, and confuzzled (ie I'm a pc and a mac). I'm an IT infrastructure analyst with a penchant for breaking tech toys. I ate a sabermetric primer for breakfast. I love playing "All-powerful GM of MLB". The 2010 Cardinals represented a good, practical definition "cognitive dissonance". The 2011 version got by on duct tape and a prayer, and I'm fine with that. They just need new tape for #12 in 12.
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