Mozeliak and DeWitt discuss Pujols negotiations (Swingers reenactment)

by on February 8, 2011 · 6 comments

The back-and-forth amongst Cardinal fans about the Albert Pujols contract negotiations continue to go on as we approach Pujols’ deadline for finalizing the deal.  There are definite “sides” to this story, those who believe he must be signed at any cost, and those who are wary of what any cost might do to the long-term health of the franchise.  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

That scenario has replayed in my mind many times over the last few weeks, and I always wind up back at a quote from the movie Swingers“There’s the rub.”

And so, without further ado, a Pitchers Hit Eighth Production… John Mozeliak and Bill DeWitt discuss the Albert Pujols Negotiations in a reenactment of the opening scene from Swingers.

Since the little xtranormal robot guys are a bit difficult to understand in parts, here’s the script:

OPEN SCENE

JOHN
Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on signing him?

BILL
You don't call.

JOHN
You said I don't call if I wanted to give up on signing him.

BILL
Right.

JOHN
So I don't call either way.

BILL
Right.

JOHN
So what's the difference?

BILL
There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up...is if you sign him when he wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make him want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make him not want to come back.

JOHN
So the only difference is if I look for a different first baseman instead or just pretend to look for a different first baseman.

BILL
Right.

JOHN
Well, that sucks.

BILL
Yeah, it sucks.

JOHN
So it's like a retroactive decision then? I mean, I could, like, look for a different first baseman. And then when he comes back, make like I just pretended to look for a different first baseman?

BILL
Right, although probably more likely the opposite.

JOHN
What do you mean?

BILL
I mean, at first you're gonna pretend to look for a different first baseman. Not call Dan Lozano, I don't know, whatever. But then, eventually, you really will find a different first baseman.

JOHN
Well, unless he signs first.

BILL
Mm, see, that's the thing. Somehow they know not to come back until you are ready to sign someone else.

JOHN
There's the rub.

BILL
There's the rub.

JOHN
Look, man, uh, I-I'm sorry we always talk about the same thing all the time.

BILL
Ah, no, it's all right.

JOHN
It's just that, you know... It's just you’ve been there, man.

BILL
Don't sweat it.

JOHN
Your advice really helps. And I just, I don't know... You know, Bill, you're the only one I can talk to about him.

BILL
Thanks. Thanks, man.

JOHN
No, really. There’s a gag order on the negotiations. Don’t tell Buster Olney we had this conversation.

FIN

In case you’ve either not seen the original film, or just need a reminder, here is the original scene:

I thought it was funny…

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Writing about the Cardinals and other loosely associated topics since 2008, I've grown tired of the April run-out only to disappoint Cardinal fans everywhere by mid-May. I do not believe in surrendering free outs.
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