Mozeliak and DeWitt discuss Pujols negotiations (Swingers reenactment)

by on February 8, 2011 · 6 comments

The back-and-forth amongst Cardinal fans about the Albert Pujols contract negotiations continue to go on as we approach Pujols’ deadline for finalizing the deal.  There are definite “sides” to this story, those who believe he must be signed at any cost, and those who are wary of what any cost might do to the long-term health of the franchise.  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

That scenario has replayed in my mind many times over the last few weeks, and I always wind up back at a quote from the movie Swingers“There’s the rub.”

And so, without further ado, a Pitchers Hit Eighth Production… John Mozeliak and Bill DeWitt discuss the Albert Pujols Negotiations in a reenactment of the opening scene from Swingers.

Since the little xtranormal robot guys are a bit difficult to understand in parts, here’s the script:


Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on signing him?

You don't call.

You said I don't call if I wanted to give up on signing him.


So I don't call either way.


So what's the difference?

There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving if you sign him when he wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make him want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make him not want to come back.

So the only difference is if I look for a different first baseman instead or just pretend to look for a different first baseman.


Well, that sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.

So it's like a retroactive decision then? I mean, I could, like, look for a different first baseman. And then when he comes back, make like I just pretended to look for a different first baseman?

Right, although probably more likely the opposite.

What do you mean?

I mean, at first you're gonna pretend to look for a different first baseman. Not call Dan Lozano, I don't know, whatever. But then, eventually, you really will find a different first baseman.

Well, unless he signs first.

Mm, see, that's the thing. Somehow they know not to come back until you are ready to sign someone else.

There's the rub.

There's the rub.

Look, man, uh, I-I'm sorry we always talk about the same thing all the time.

Ah, no, it's all right.

It's just that, you know... It's just you’ve been there, man.

Don't sweat it.

Your advice really helps. And I just, I don't know... You know, Bill, you're the only one I can talk to about him.

Thanks. Thanks, man.

No, really. There’s a gag order on the negotiations. Don’t tell Buster Olney we had this conversation.


In case you’ve either not seen the original film, or just need a reminder, here is the original scene:

I thought it was funny…

Writing about the Cardinals and other loosely associated topics since 2008, I've grown tired of the April run-out only to disappoint Cardinal fans everywhere by mid-May. I do not believe in surrendering free outs.
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Rich February 8, 2011

awesome LOL

Craig F. February 8, 2011

Quality work there PH8! I love it.

PH8 February 8, 2011

Thanks Craig, thanks Rich.

Deep Throat February 8, 2011

Real reasons why Pujols not signed yet!

The owner is using the baseball club to run a money skimming
operation that get’s threatened to be exposed if Pujols $300m
contract “demand” is met as it runs counter to what BDW has been
feeding the local media and fans for years that there’s not enough
income generated from baseball operations to afford higher payroll.

Here’s why:

It’s in his best interests to show as little gross income as possible
as opposed to the additional $30m – $100m that’s derived which isn’t

Reduces risk of exposing himself & fellow owners to intense media scrutiny
if their Enron style financial deals were revealed to the fans with potential
to cause a Congressional investigation

Avoids MLB revenue sharing contributions

Receives MLB revenue share donations from league offices

Receives MLB owners only share from MLB Advanced Media (video & ad $ frm

Shelter much larger net income from tax from all “other” sources of unreported income
derived from the baseball operations (undisclosed equity stakes in FSW, etc.)

* Capital gains, on appreciating franchise, stadium, & land values, are taxed
at much lower rate: ~ 1/2

Avoids embarassment & potential for subsequent criminal investigations into how he
finangled a $40m loan from county which will cost tax-payers over $100m as the loan
will not be retired until 2033. At that time BDW can pay all of the deferred principal
and interest or simply assign the stadium ownership to avoid paying back ANY amounts not required

to have been payed for the 30 yr life of the loan.

* Think of it as a 30 yr Home Equity loan that you don’t have to make ANY payments on EVER!

Basically BDW, his son, their family trusts, & his out of state business partners are getting

large amounts of money without having to pay any annual taxes because the baseball club &

reported debt is used to mostly shelter their income through the use of several intertangled,

front companies & limited liability partnerships with overlapping boards.

* Since BDW & his friends are living off of borrowed money (against club & govt), its a tax free

way to suck the life of the baseball club and local community

All of which comes toppling down if Pujols is paid his market worth as the club could easily

support a $120m annual payroll, but it’s due to unchecked greed and a sense of entitlement from

having an elitist view of the world


* listen in at 24″ mark for Fred Lindecke challenges BDW-III on county loan details

flavius217 February 8, 2011

Wow… and I thought my “Pujols traded, Berkman to 1B, Edmonds to RF” scenario was tinfoil-hattery of the first order.

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